ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
