No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
