I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She bit a glass in half.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
