The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
