Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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