Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize