I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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