the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
