We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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