..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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