just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
