i just had sex bonerless
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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