This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
