I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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