i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
