Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
