im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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