i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
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You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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