this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
