Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
