Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
