I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
