peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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