because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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