thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
