Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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