I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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