Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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