It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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