Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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