The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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