I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
