I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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