worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We got so high we made milksteak
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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