Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
