Acid is not a monday night drug
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
