i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
