You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
