Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
