Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
