I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize