Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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