I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
