You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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