she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
