'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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