I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
