You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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