i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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