"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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