Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
