just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
