a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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