My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
