you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
