she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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