Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
