I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
