If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Randomize
