my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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