I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
