As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
