wrigley field is MILF paradise
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
