so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
