walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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