Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
