So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
