I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
