so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
