Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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