he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
