There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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