i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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