the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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