Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
