Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
