toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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